100 + and Thinking

Over 100 posts as at today!

Now the thinking bit.. is in fact it's a continuation from the Revelation post...

Two things struck me today... The Second one was whilst reading the various blogs I read I came across Shari's she has changed her title because she is trying to get away from having two names for herself and it made me realise that I have been HIDING. This reinforced the First thing that struck me early today... I had a doctors appointment this morning. I had gone to have my blood pressure checked. I am on two lots of medication to reduce it - it had not come down enough in fact had not changed much at all, my eyes are sore, dry (and I use herbal eye drops), my weight has gone up despite my best efforts and there was more but I will not bore you. I said to him that nothing is going right for me right now I just want to cry. I actually meant I want to cry because my eyes are so dry there are no tears but he miss-understood and asked if I often felt this way, sad, depressed! He went on to briefly say we should increase my meds for bp and we should test my blood for a thyroid problem (that's a fasting test so no snacking for me then!!) and then look at my mood to see if I am depressed. He has given me a month to try again!

That was the revelation for today. I HAVE BEEN HIDING - I have been hiding behind my weight problems, my bad blood pressure and my general feeling of 'misery'. My website is called Pumpkin1, my blog is called Serendipity - Where am I? Pumpkin1 and Serendipity came into being because I felt that people would have trouble spelling my name if I used that for my email, website or blog. WHY should I hide? WHY should I make it easy for everyone else, if I don't make things easy for ME. If anyone is interested in ME they would get my name right and find me.

It's time I stood up to myself, It's time I stopped myself from being negative. I have got skills etc I can use and it's about time I did! It's time I did something for me (again)! It's time I stopped HIDING. The ME inside really wants to come out and scream I'M HERE. What this ME needs is to lose the weight and regain the inspiration. Instead of just sitting here wishing it would get better and moaning to all of you I can do something about it, I really can!

That's why the start of it is to change my heading, having done that I am now off to row. I am going to chase up the college to see if I can rejoin the HNC course, if not I'll think of something else. Then I am going to make a list of the small pieces of art I want to create and tomorrow I will start to make something small, probably using the washers!!